Wednesday, June 19, 2013

AFMYS: Chuck E. Cheese

Yes, the giant banjo playing gorilla at Chuck E. Cheese is being held against his will.  You were right to alert the authorities.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

AFMYS: Clowns

Two year old me....I'm an adult, and I don't like clowns very much either.  Do not under any circumstances let them make you take your picture with the clown.  My advice to you would be to scream and cry at the top of your lungs.  Scream until the paint slides off of his sad looking face.

AFMYS: Superman and Beets

Four year old me, no matter what the grown ups tell you; eating your beets will not make you Superman.  You are from Earth, Superman is from Krypton.  Tell them to get their story straight.

AFMYS: Happy Meal Toys

The toys in the Happy Meals aren't always going to be great.  For every Hot Wheels car you're going to get at least two or three Grimace combs.


Look, I know that you think He-Man is cool and you want all the toys.  But if a friend wants to trade you Prince Adam for the one that smells like a skunk, they really aren't your friend.

AFMYS: Cereal

Not every cereal with a famous person's face on the box is going to be yummy.  See that box with the picture of E.T. on it.  Yes, on top of the refrigerator....Oh i'm sorry, a refrigerator is that thing your dad keeps the peanut butter in.  Back to where I was before you stopped using your inside voice.  The cereal inside tastes horrible.  Same thing for Mr.T cereal.  Disappointed?  Just wait until the Ninja Turtle cereal comes around.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

AFMYS:Hulk Hogan and Crossing The Street

When the teachers at school tell you look both ways before you cross the street, listen to them.  Last thing you want is Hulk Hogan visiting you in the hospital.  Trust me, if you seen what he looks like now you wouldn't be so excited.


Look, I know it may seem like it's going to be a fun day because the gym teacher busted out the parachute and the miniature dodge ball.  It doesn't mean they want you to have fun, it means they are hung over.


Look, I know that it looks like somebody got sick.  Trust me, you're going to love applesauce.  Just wait until they start making the blue kind.  Will mess you up.

Laundry Basket

Hey there three year old me....don't get into that laundry basket on top of the dining room table.  Ok, if you must but please don't rock back and forth in it.  The stitches are really going to hurt.  The nurse is probably shakier than Jackie Peyton, so I'd advise you to just sit there and watch Sesame Street.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013


Don't some of you wish that you could go back in time and give yourself the advice you sorely needed when you were younger.  Well, that's what this is going to be.  My advice to my younger self.  Hope you all enjoy. More posts to come.